Where is my self respect?
Where is my aftershave?
Where is my gel douche?
Where is my happy day?

I wish I had spent all my pointless time doing pointless things on YouTube

I’m hungry I am
I’m tired I am
I’m old enough to know better I am
I’m young enough to still have to try

I wish I had spent all my pointless time doing pointless things on YouTube

Say what you will, Alex Zane has a fan base
I measure my impact in layers of dust
I’m gonna bookend all my falls with adverts
Let my humiliations earn my crust

I wish I had spent all my pointless time doing pointless things on YouTube

All those wasted years tripping over off camera
Next time my heart sinks please God let my bank balance rise
All those wasted years living off one way shit karma
Now it’s twenty pence a click every time a little something inside me dies

I wish I had put all my pointless time into doing pointless things on YouTube

Got to make my failures pay