Let me tweak
Month: March 2013
COLLISION
—Knock knock.
—Who’s there?
—It’s the police.
—It’s the police who?
—It’s the police. I’m afraid there’s been a terrible accident.
mud skipper
bare grills
Long Day
Monmorn.
Monday.
Monnight.
Black Car
For a while I spent a few hours waiting for the black car like a child looking for his separated parent out the window on the Saturday morning of their time with them.
I muddied about a bit and tried best as I could to not let the thoughts of the black car interfere with my day and was absolutely unsuccessful.
Instead, I meandered and remembered my first lies and why.
I believe I was 6 and I stole a pen with a clock in it, which at that time was as shiny as the shiniest of things and I wanted it and she had it so I took it and when asked I denied it and then hid it badly. It fell off the top of the Hacker record player on which was also Madness.
I gave it back and for a WEEK was not very popular really.
I thought about the times I have waited at the window for a parent, partner, delivery driver, post person, friend and enemy, but never before a black car and yet here it was drawing noise from the gravel on the drive leading to the place where I imagined it to be for so long.
I walked from the window hurriedly and pretended I hadn’t seen it coming before it could see.
Table For One
8-BIT LIT: HAMLET
A BOOK BY IT’S COVER #001
‘Cool it’ by Bjorn Lomborg:
There was a story in the papers recently about a teenage boy who dug a tunnel in the sand. When he’d finished digging the tunnel, as any kid digging a tunnel would, he climbed in – only for the sand to collapse on him and leave him trapped without air for 15 minutes. Stupid, dumb kid is the first thing that springs to mind. The second?… stupid, dumb kid.
This could have relevance to the cover. It doesn’t. Or does it? It doesn’t. If you ask me, global warming doesn’t exist – and if it did – what stupid idiots idea was it to write a book about it? Er, Hello… paper is trees Bjorn. Paper is trees!
the love series
Donuts
Light, bouncy, wheel-like form, soft buttery flesh, tongue-tingling sweetness, speedily morphing from solid-sticky-sponge to warm-liquid-goo, gliding down, throat coated in sugar film. Bringing warmth to the belly, a twinkle to the eyes. Their soft, delicate bodies, resting, dented between thumb and forefinger – a reminder that all the things we love are fragile. Hold them carefully. Savour the love.
MINIPEDIA – Tony Blair
Looks young.
Iraq.
Looks old.
REAL LIFE SCENES #001
EXT. PECKHAM – NIGHT
A man runs behind another
man on a bike.
RUNNING MAN
Hey, that’s my bike!
BIKE MAN
No, it’s my bike. All the
bikes in Peckham are my bikes.
Overheard at work #005
Monday – “I want to be more Carlos Tevez than Dimitar Berbatov about this.”
Tuesday – “There’s too much nebulousnessness about it.”
Wednesday – “I’ve never liked salt and vinegar, and I never understood people that do.”
Thursday – “The client wants to know what time it is.”
Friday – “I want to live in a commune. In Richmond. With separate kitchens and bathrooms.”
Bestist Statusiz #001
“CAN’T BELIEVE THERE IS NO DATABASE OF FILMS SORTED BY NUMBER OF SHARKS.”
Overheard at work #004
Monday – “Company names should never have a comma in them. Ever. Ever.”
Tuesday – “There’s not enough gravy in modern media”
Wednesday – “There are riots in the streets of Athens.” “Why? What’s going on?” “Probably something to do with rollneck sweaters!” “Hahahahahah.”
Thursday – “Oh my god I feel like I’m living in 2009.”
Friday – “We are really looking forward to having you in the meeting. But unfortunately we’re unable to have you in the meeting.”
Overheard at work #003
Monday – “Erm, so budget cuts. I’m afraid we no longer need you. Sorry.”
Tuesday – (nothing overheard)
Wednesday – (nothing overheard)
Thursday – (nothing overheard)
Friday – (nothing overheard)
Long & Short – brian
I
like
Brian.
Trouble
is,
I
prefer
his
wife.
DOGTOOTH BOOKMARK
MC = main colour
CC = contrast colour
STS = stitches
K = knit
P = purl
With 4mm needles and DK yarn, cast on MC 24 STS.
Row 1:
MCK all STS.
Row 2:
MCP all STS.
Row 3:
MCK4, CCK1, MCK2, CCK1 repeat.
Row 4:
CCP2, MCP6, repeat.
Row 5:
MCK5, *CCK2, MCK6* repeat from * to * until last 3 STS, CCK2, MCK1.
Row 6:
CCP6, MCP2 repeat.
Row 7:
MCK1,CCK2, MCK1, CCK4 repeat.
Row 8:
CCP5, *MCP2, CCP6* from *to* until last 4 STS, MCP2, CCP1.
Row 9:
CCK1, *MCK2, CCK6* repeat from *to* until last 7 STS, MCK2, CCK5.
Row 10:
MCP2, CCP2, MMP6* repeat from *to* until last 6 STS, CCP2, MCP4.
Repeat rows 3 to 10, 4 more times.
MCK all STS.
MCP all STS.
Cast off. Block and dry.
MINIPEDIA – Chips
Potatoes 2.0
MINIPEDIA – space
A load of fuck all.
Overheard at work #002
Monday – “Instead of ‘shiny’ can we say ‘clothy’?”
Tuesday – “I love that we can write the word burger without it seeming sexual.”
Wednesday – “Sean Locke has got the most amazing new van.”
Thursday – “Can we find a more friendly image of Polyester?”
Friday – “I like to image that holes lead to magical places, not blobs of shit or flesh.”
MINIPEDIA – Grand Canyon.
A big ditch in the desert.
tall film poster
MINIPEDIA – Cheese
Mould
designer bookmark
Overheard at work #001
Monday – “Nooooo, Jenny’s allergic to tofu!”
Tuesday – “The narrator isn’t an entity.” “But he says ‘me’…”. “That’s an omnipresent ‘me'”.
Wednesday – “Is that a sausage windsurfing?”
Thursday – “The client wants it smaller than this but not as small as the next size down”
Friday – “I had six kittens this morning. One was breach.”
Mammals & mammaries
Dream Walkers
The story was born
On a tarmac lawn
Where six best friends
Spent their summer end
On holiday in Spain
Over the Mediterranean they came
They spoke of their hopes and dreams
And what little it all means
If only we could be childish
Children that can wish
And believe in magic
And never get sick
Then we could live in dreams
Where nothing is as it seems
And everything is what it’s not
And all our troubles forgot
In-between sleeping and waking
Imagination waking
Reality adieu
Ubuntu.
FREE IDEA #001
OH, WHAT A LOVELY PICTURE
