Somebody told me

Somebody once told me that Canary Wharf looks exactly like downtown Toronto. Somebody told me that there was more chemical energy in a pizza than a stick of dynamite. Somebody also told me that my halls of residence was built from the plans of a Swedish women’s prison and that it’s legal to kill a Welshman in Chester.

I’m indebted to Somebody for this knowledge but I wish he or she could tell me where the shed key is.

Jerry Turner

Chi (huahua)

Chi
(huahua)

Concise

as the mice’s you
dream track
through snow,

your sixteen nails on toes
press, in sleep,
into the thigh of me

“”
“”

“”

“”
.

Wake, chi,
and dance on pillows,

“” “”
“” “”

your tipsy feat
to balance

“”
“”

“”
“”
.

Lora Berg

A BOOK BY IT’S COVER #001

‘Cool it’ by Bjorn Lomborg:

There was a story in the papers recently about a teenage boy who dug a tunnel in the sand. When he’d finished digging the tunnel, as any kid digging a tunnel would, he climbed in – only for the sand to collapse on him and leave him trapped without air for 15 minutes. Stupid, dumb kid is the first thing that springs to mind. The second?… stupid, dumb kid.

This could have relevance to the cover. It doesn’t. Or does it? It doesn’t. If you ask me, global warming doesn’t exist – and if it did – what stupid idiots idea was it to write a book about it? Er, Hello… paper is trees Bjorn. Paper is trees!

A BOOK BY IT’S COVER #001
Rosie Parker

the love series

Donuts

Light, bouncy, wheel-like form, soft buttery flesh, tongue-tingling sweetness, speedily morphing from solid-sticky-sponge to warm-liquid-goo, gliding down, throat coated in sugar film. Bringing warmth to the belly, a twinkle to the eyes. Their soft, delicate bodies, resting, dented between thumb and forefinger – a reminder that all the things we love are fragile. Hold them carefully. Savour the love.

Parusha

MINIPEDIA – Tony Blair

Looks young.
Iraq.
Looks old.

John Allison

REAL LIFE SCENES #001

EXT. PECKHAM – NIGHT

A man runs behind another
man on a bike.

RUNNING MAN

Hey, that’s my bike!

BIKE MAN

No, it’s my bike. All the
bikes in Peckham are my bikes.

Emily Cussins

Overheard at work #005

Monday – “I want to be more Carlos Tevez than Dimitar Berbatov about this.”

Tuesday – “There’s too much nebulousnessness about it.”

Wednesday – “I’ve never liked salt and vinegar, and I never understood people that do.”

Thursday – “The client wants to know what time it is.”

Friday – “I want to live in a commune. In Richmond. With separate kitchens and bathrooms.”

Julie Seal

Bestist Statusiz #001

“CAN’T BELIEVE THERE IS NO DATABASE OF FILMS SORTED BY NUMBER OF SHARKS.”

Calum Darling

Overheard at work #004

Monday – “Company names should never have a comma in them. Ever. Ever.”

Tuesday – “There’s not enough gravy in modern media” 

Wednesday – “There are riots in the streets of Athens.” “Why? What’s going on?” “Probably something to do with rollneck sweaters!” “Hahahahahah.”

Thursday – “Oh my god I feel like I’m living in 2009.”

Friday – “We are really looking forward to having you in the meeting. But unfortunately we’re unable to have you in the meeting.”

Julie Seal

Overheard at work #003

Monday – “Erm, so budget cuts. I’m afraid we no longer need you. Sorry.”

Tuesday – (nothing overheard)

Wednesday – (nothing overheard)

Thursday – (nothing overheard)

Friday – (nothing overheard)

Julie Seal

Long & Short – brian

I
like
Brian.
Trouble
is,
I
prefer
his
wife.

John Allison

DOGTOOTH BOOKMARK

MC = main colour
CC = contrast colour
STS = stitches
K = knit
P = purl

With 4mm needles and DK yarn, cast on MC 24 STS.

Row 1:
MCK all STS.

Row 2:
MCP all STS.

Row 3:
MCK4, CCK1, MCK2, CCK1 repeat.

Row 4:
CCP2, MCP6, repeat.

Row 5:
MCK5, *CCK2, MCK6* repeat from * to * until last 3 STS, CCK2, MCK1.

Row 6:
CCP6, MCP2 repeat.

Row 7:
MCK1,CCK2, MCK1, CCK4 repeat.

Row 8:
CCP5, *MCP2, CCP6* from *to* until last 4 STS, MCP2, CCP1.

Row 9:
CCK1, *MCK2, CCK6* repeat from *to* until last 7 STS, MCK2, CCK5.

Row 10:
MCP2, CCP2, MMP6* repeat from *to* until last 6 STS, CCP2, MCP4.

Repeat rows 3 to 10, 4 more times.

MCK all STS.
MCP all STS.

Cast off. Block and dry.

Sara Noble

MINIPEDIA – Chips

Potatoes 2.0

John Allison

MINIPEDIA – space

A load of fuck all.

John Allison

Overheard at work #002

Monday – “Instead of ‘shiny’ can we say ‘clothy’?”

Tuesday – “I love that we can write the word burger without it seeming sexual.”

Wednesday – “Sean Locke has got the most amazing new van.”

Thursday – “Can we find a more friendly image of Polyester?”

Friday – “I like to image that holes lead to magical places, not blobs of shit or flesh.”

Julie Seal

MINIPEDIA – Grand Canyon.

A big ditch in the desert.

John Allison

tall film poster

tall film poster
Paul Johnstone

MINIPEDIA – Cheese

Mould

John Allison

designer bookmark

designer bookmark
Sky Nash

Overheard at work #001

Monday – “Nooooo, Jenny’s allergic to tofu!”

Tuesday – “The narrator isn’t an entity.” “But he says ‘me’…”. “That’s an omnipresent ‘me'”.

Wednesday – “Is that a sausage windsurfing?”

Thursday – “The client wants it smaller than this but not as small as the next size down”

Friday – “I had six kittens this morning. One was breach.”

Julie Seal

Mammals & mammaries

Mammals & mammaries
Clive Gorbachov

Dream Walkers

The story was born
On a tarmac lawn
Where six best friends
Spent their summer end

On holiday in Spain
Over the Mediterranean they came
They spoke of their hopes and dreams
And what little it all means

If only we could be childish
Children that can wish
And believe in magic
And never get sick

Then we could live in dreams
Where nothing is as it seems
And everything is what it’s not
And all our troubles forgot

In-between sleeping and waking
Imagination waking
Reality adieu
Ubuntu.

Rebecca Hanson

FREE IDEA #001

FREE IDEA #001
Dan Watts

IN MY LIFETIME

Iran-Iraq War ’80 – ’88
1,000,000 dead

Soviet War in Afghanistan ’79 – ’89
2,000,000 dead

Rwandan Genocide ’94
1,000,000 dead

Srebrenica Massacre ’95
38,000 dead

Yugoslav War ’92 – ’95
100,000 dead

East Timorese Genocide ’75 – ’99
80,000 dead

Eritrean-Ethiopian War ’98 – ’00
70,000 dead

Angolan Civil War ’75 – ’02
500,000 dead

Algerian Civil War ’92 – ’02
200,000 dead

2nd Congolese War ’98 – ’03
5,400,000 dead

2nd Sudanese Civil War ’83 – ’05
2,000,000 dead

Sri-Lankan Civil War ’83 – ’09
100,000 dead

Darfur Conflict ’03 – ’10
400,000 dead

Mexican Drug War ’06 – present
35,784 dead

Columbian Civil War ’64 – present
300,000 dead

Somali Civil War ’91 – present
400,000 dead

Falun Gong Genocide ’99 – present
162,000 dead

To be continued…

Parusha

TERMINATOR

Not a real man!
Not a real man.
You scream and lurch
a bad impression.
2000 pounds!
2000 pounds
of clumsy metal
on a mound of hamstrung meat.
We crushed within our hands:
The last children’s entertainer
The last breakfast DJ
The last fat child.

Vivian Allen

BREAST QUOTES

I HAD
SO-CALLED NORMAL RELATIONSHIPS
WITH A
NUMBER OF TERRESTRIAL WOMEN HAVING PUMPKINS
OR PEARS
FOR BREASTS.

Vladimir Nabokov

MINIPEDIA – THE DOORS

Jim Morrison gets drunk.
Jim Morrison gets high.
Jim Morrison gets fat.
Jim Morrison has a bath.

John Allison

To haiku is divine

Silent winter cloud.
Throwing off your cold blanket
I sleep with one sheet.

Sofie Khachik